Once I was 7 years old…
OK, yes - I was recently inspired by the music hit “Once I was 7 years old” and thus titled this blog the same.
So now I’m 40... Deep breath. I suspect many of us tend to reflect on our lives, triumphs and tribulations when we hit some of the bigger milestone ages like 30, 40, 50, etc.
Hitting the big ‘40’ I found myself thinking about who I am, what's most important and the different aspects of my life that define me. I am a business owner of a digital services company, a husband and a father of two boys. More specifically, I’ve been an IT professional for more than 16 years, a business owner for 13 years a husband for 15 and a father for 10.
It helps to put it on paper (well, in a Google doc). Looking at that list it’s no wonder I often feel stretched — again something I think many people can relate to these days as we push ourselves harder professionally and personally, forever trying to achieve the best balance possible.
Anyway, I’ve been asking myself some deep and meaningful (D&M) questions about life, motivations, happiness, and so on. Firstly…
Why did I get into this business?
My two main motivations in becoming an IT professional were to create, and to problem solve. Or putting that together, to create something great that genuinely solves a real problem and/or improves our quality of life — technology that makes something easier, faster, simpler. Sounds generic and clichéd, I know. Despite the booming IT industry of the late 90s and early 00s, money wasn’t the primary driver for me. Never has been. In my mind, do what you love, do it great, and that comes later.
A mantra that resonates with me:
People before
Process (Journey) before
Product before
Profit
And in terms of running my own business…well, I grew up in a family environment where running your own business was the norm — albeit milkbars and pizzerias :)
My next D&M question…
Who do I serve?
First and foremost, my family — my selfless and patient wife and my two sons. I’d say my wife might argue otherwise, she’d tell you my business and my clients are always served first. The reality is I primarily serve my business and my clients to ultimately serve my family. And that’s not a one-dimensional consideration to fulfil my role as a provider. It’s really so much more than that. The people closest to me know that money, while an essential part of daily life, isn’t the main motivator for me. So what is it about?
It's about being a part of something special, doing something great that pushes the boundaries, it’s about feeling alive.
It’s about living your life and being at peace knowing you gave it your all, you put your heart into it, you believed.
It’s about demonstrating passion, devotion and drive to working towards something you really love.
It’s about setting an example. And hopefully I inspire my children to one day follow their hearts, follow their dreams, to do what they love.
The next thing I started thinking about was what that means to the other people around me — my clients and my team.
How does my audience benefit from me?
They get all of me: they get heart, they get commitment, they get authenticity. They get someone truly wanting to understand their problem and truly devoted to help solving it.
That doesn’t mean it’s easy, especially when you’re a business owner.
What’s tough about business?
There are lots of tough things about running your own business, but these are the toughest in my book:
Having to let go of your finest people.
Having to look your son in the eye and say: ‘Not tonight son, I’ve got this tender to write.’
Having sales droughts and thus not enough work to keep your permanent staff, struggling to make payroll.
Accepting staff that aren’t from the heart, aren’t genuinely intended and don’t share your vision and consequent enthusiasm in being part of something special, really special.
That said, there’s lots of great things about running your own business, which ultimately contributes to why I still love what I do…
Why am I still here?
Like everyone, I have my days! Or as the saying goes, some days are harder than others. It certainly hasn’t been all glorious, or glamorous. In fact, the journey has been characterised by more ‘tough’ moments. But challenges are part of life, especially when you’re doing something you love, and especially when you’re running your own business.
I’m still here because I truly believe:
It enables me to create great, long-lasting and trusted relationships. Not just with customers but with like-minded colleagues and partners.
It still enables me to be creative, to solve other people’s problems. It’s actually these moments (solving complex problems) where I feel “truly present” or “in the zone” and that makes me feel very much alive, which makes all the tougher moments worthwhile. :)
Perhaps also subconsciously because I believe in Karma. Maybe someday these project experiences, my connections with others, will somehow serve my greater purpose to create something great…
Who am I?
One of the biggest questions we can ask ourselves, perhaps the biggest, is who am I? And it’s contextual, too. Sometimes I’m a boss. Sometimes I’m an engineer. Sometimes I’m a husband and sometimes I’m a dad. Less sometimes I’m a brother and less sometimes I’m a son. For me, the question certainly breaks down into these three main parts of my life, my identity.
At the heart, I’m an engineer. Those in my professional inner circle over the past few years probably haven’t seen that side. Those from my years as a software engineer, technical leader and architect would be more familiar with my engineer ‘hat’…and perhaps driven a little crazy from it :) My life as an engineer started with a double degree in computer science and computer systems engineering, followed by a privileged, kick-started career project in Silicon Valley during the .com boom; and the majority of my career has been devoted to enterprise software development, integration and architecture.
A husband. I suck at it. Buddha bless my patient and selfless wife Neriman — my highschool sweetheart and life-long partner since we were 17 years old! We’ve loved together. We’ve fought together. We’ve travelled the world together. We’ve grown together. We’ve raised children together and someday I hope we’ll die together.
A father. Not sure how great I’m at that, either. My love is real, my commitment is real, my devotion is real. Equally and sadly however, my struggle and perhaps guilt with never feeling PRESENT enough, is also real.
How have I evolved?
Evolution is an important part of life. Most of us like to think we’re growing, changing, improving. It’s certainly an area I found myself analysing as part of my big 40 introspective.
To evolve professionally, I’ve learned to be more than just an engineer or technician. I’ve learned to be a project manager, a business analyst, a digital strategist and, yes, even a tender response writer :( As a business owner I’ve learned to understand cash flow, operations, recruitment, marketing, sales and business development. And as a leader, I’ve learned to create, believe, inspire and see a vision through.
As a father I’ve learned (and am still learning) to be PATIENT and to be PRESENT.
Recently I’ve found myself drawn to a more spiritual evolution and in my case this has manifested through meditation and yoga. In fact, I recently went to India on a two-week ‘spiritual walk’ in solidate. Bless my wife for granting me such a gift. I think she benefited from it as much as I did. :)
What do I fear?
This can be something we don’t like to spend too much time thinking about. But I suspect everyone fears something, whether it’s physical (e.g. heights) or emotional (e.g. rejection).
For me, regret is a big one. Specifically regretting not spending enough time with family — my mother, my father, my sisters, my wife, my children. And I also fear regretting not taking enough risks. Especially the risk of not being entirely true to myself and/or focusing enough (or at all!) on the arts — piano, language and Kung fu.
I also fear being disliked by those closest to me. But the reality is:
Not everyone around me has necessarily felt the way I’ve felt
I know I’ve pushed the boundaries and driven people crazy along the way
It’s not because I want to be difficult (not at all) it’s because I want others to be as excited as I am and push the boundaries as I do, to be proud and have a strong desire to be part of something great.
What’s the end game?
Solving more customer problems? Sure, but there’s something more...there’s gotta to be something more...
What do I want when I look back from the next milestone (say when I’m 50)? This can be broken into two distinct areas — professional and personal.
Professionally, I want to:
Become a strong, genuine, trusted and value-for-money preferred digital services implementation partner.
Create a culture based on strong relationships with like-minded people who genuinely want to be part of something great.
Build a diversified portfolio between services (government and enterprise) and product. Not just any product, something that has meaning — that somehow, in some way, solves a real problem that positively impacts people’s lives. Something that when this product touches humans it creates an ‘Ah, yes of course’ moment.
Build a legacy, a company that inspires not only the people I work with, but also my sons. Maybe one day when they’re old enough they’ll be part of the business (or their own!) and/or say to themselves proudly: ‘My dad and his job is super cool and he creates cool stuff.’ I couldn’t ask for more than that.
Personally, I want to:
Raise a family that thrives and is happy.
Look back on life with no regrets.
Make sure my wife (Neriman) and sons (Armando and Aleksi) know that there’s nothing I can possibly love more than them.
